Well, it's been over a month since we last updated the blog; I guess the best news is that we really haven't had anything especially noteworthy to share with the world! We've had another visit with another one of the OB staff at Maine General, and we go for our anatomy scan down in Portland on Monday. Our baby's heartbeat has been great whenever we've listened to it, and so it seems that everything is just humming along towards next March. The SCH (clot) had unfortunately not disappeared as first thought, our next scan showed it still to be there, and still at ~3cm. The good news was that it was completely inactive, which was a first, and there's so far been no more bleeding, a huge success really.
Except that it's not that easy, of course. R still has a lot of Round Ligament Pain (RLP) that has been her constant companion. Between that and the various other mysterious pains and pressures (hip pain, pressure 'down low', etc.), we haven't really been able to relax. I know my intention for this second round of IVF was to enjoy each day of success, but it turns out that's harder than you might think. I still get a little knot in my stomach every time R heads to the bathroom, wondering if this will be the time that she comes out and says she's bleeding again. When she hurts, I brace myself to hear her say something is really wrong.
We're both trying to stay positive and plan for success - we've been buying some baby gear as we find it on sale or see something that we think is particularly cute. We've told more of our friends that we're expecting, and R let everyone at work know too. In some ways that's helped me, I think, in that you get a lot of positive energy from folks who hear the news and don't have the emotional baggage that we do from the previous cycle and the early part of this one. In other ways, it's hard to let more people know because we can't help but think that it's one more person that we'll need to talk to if this pregnancy goes bad.
One thing's for sure - this is going to be the longest 40 weeks of my life. We're counting days and weeks, and we're not even halfway there yet. I always remember what one of R's friends said when we told her about the twin pregnancy - "The next 40 weeks will fly by!" As it turns out, reality couldn't be further from that statement. Still, we're happy to know that our little baby is still in there, kicking away at R's bladder and making her uncomfortable. We'll just wait and hope.
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
Friday, September 5, 2014
Chillaxin' Baby
We've been continuing our weekly ultrasounds at Maine General while R has been bleeding, and though there was a mixup on the appointment that we were supposed to have on Tuesday, we got in on Wednesday morning. There, we received some great news - there is no sign of the hematoma. R hasn't bled for almost a week now, so we were somewhat hopeful, but even the week before the ultrasound tech had immediately spotted the hematoma.
It was a great feeling to stare at the ultrasound image on the monitor and not have anything other than our perfect little baby to look at. Turns out, the baby was just chillaxin' in the uterus, wondering what all our stress and fuss is about.
It was a great feeling to stare at the ultrasound image on the monitor and not have anything other than our perfect little baby to look at. Turns out, the baby was just chillaxin' in the uterus, wondering what all our stress and fuss is about.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
A Great Day
It seems like we don't get to say this very often, what with the worrying about the bleeding, wondering whether new pains are indicators of something bad, or just the pregnancy progressing, and R generally feeling pretty icky, but yesterday was a really great day.
We had another ultrasound up at Maine General, with a tech who was super efficient and very nice. Our little baby was rolling around a little bit during the scan, and everything looked just fine. The SCH was even a little bit smaller, so that was very encouraging.
Later in the day, R got the call from the Genetic Counselor down in Portland - all of the tests came back negative, so we can finally exhale a little bit. And, to top it all off, the gender came back opposite of what we both had assumed! Neither one of us knew why, but we had solid feelings that we knew the gender, and when we revealed our intuition to each other, we even agreed. So we had decided it was a foregone conclusion; so much so that I hadn't even bothered looking at names for the opposite gender! I guess this is just another indicator that my ESP powers aren't all I think they're cracked up to be.
There's still plenty to worry about, of course, and I doubt we'll stop worrying until we are holding our baby in our arms, but I'm allowing myself to be more hopeful. Tomorrow we'll be at 13 weeks, and if the SCH keeps getting smaller, hopefully we can try to relax and enjoy some of the pregnancy. I keep reminding myself to take it a day at a time, and yesterday was a really great day!
We had another ultrasound up at Maine General, with a tech who was super efficient and very nice. Our little baby was rolling around a little bit during the scan, and everything looked just fine. The SCH was even a little bit smaller, so that was very encouraging.
Later in the day, R got the call from the Genetic Counselor down in Portland - all of the tests came back negative, so we can finally exhale a little bit. And, to top it all off, the gender came back opposite of what we both had assumed! Neither one of us knew why, but we had solid feelings that we knew the gender, and when we revealed our intuition to each other, we even agreed. So we had decided it was a foregone conclusion; so much so that I hadn't even bothered looking at names for the opposite gender! I guess this is just another indicator that my ESP powers aren't all I think they're cracked up to be.
There's still plenty to worry about, of course, and I doubt we'll stop worrying until we are holding our baby in our arms, but I'm allowing myself to be more hopeful. Tomorrow we'll be at 13 weeks, and if the SCH keeps getting smaller, hopefully we can try to relax and enjoy some of the pregnancy. I keep reminding myself to take it a day at a time, and yesterday was a really great day!
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Graduating...
This week we graduated, from the IVF clinic to an OB's office in Augusta! It's been a whirlwind few weeks, and to reach this point feels like such an accomplishment. It's weird to say that, because of course we have so much longer left to go, but we've literally been taking it day by day, not wanting to think too far ahead, too scared to do so.
We had our final appointment with Dr Lannon at Boston IVF this wednesday. Baby still doing great, growing as it needs to, strong heartbeat. Unfortunately the bleed is also still there, still same size, but at least is 'organizing'. I'm still bleeding, pretty much just brown and black (after two large red bleeds), but it comes and goes - somedays it's spotting, somedays it's a lot more, somedays it has nasty clots in it that make me hold my breath just a little, until I realise they're just clots, and not parts of the baby. We'll miss our Dr. Lannon, he's been really awesome, reassuring, and most of all has helped us keep our sense of humor going. We really couldn't have asked for a better RE.
On friday we went to Maine General and met with a nurse in the OB office for our intake. Of course after a few days of just spotting, i'd had a heavy bleed the night before (still brown), but that turned out to not be a bad thing - they bumped up our first Dr's appointment to next tuesday rather then in two weeks! We loved the nurse (Jessie), so friendly, bubbly, and for the most part really understood what we'd gone through to get there. There were a few funny moments - asking us whether we wanted a circumcision if it was a boy; asking us about breastfeeding; training classes - all things you'd usually start to think of, but when you're barely able to think beyond tomorrow, we had trouble answering those things. We did confirm that we're candidates to get the Harmony (or MaterniT) blood test - still new in the US, so not everywhere does them, and not for everyone. Being over 35 and having Downs in the family, this is our next hurdle. It was actually quite a pleasant moment to realise I was beginning to worry about that - to worry about something way beyond an early miscarriage feels like a step in the right direction.
So next Tuesday we have our OB Dr's appointment - get to meet one of the team of Dr's we'll hopefully meet over the next 6 months. Get the tests scheduled, maybe done, and get on what will be our regular schedule. In many ways we're pretty nervous not having a weekly ultrasound anymore, but I have to keep reminding myself, that a heartbeat at 10weeks gives us the same miscarriage risk as getting past 12 weeks. The bleed complicates things, and I still have to take it easy, but I really hope that resolves soon, and I hope Maine General will be willing to scan us at least occasionally to keep an eye on that.
We had our final appointment with Dr Lannon at Boston IVF this wednesday. Baby still doing great, growing as it needs to, strong heartbeat. Unfortunately the bleed is also still there, still same size, but at least is 'organizing'. I'm still bleeding, pretty much just brown and black (after two large red bleeds), but it comes and goes - somedays it's spotting, somedays it's a lot more, somedays it has nasty clots in it that make me hold my breath just a little, until I realise they're just clots, and not parts of the baby. We'll miss our Dr. Lannon, he's been really awesome, reassuring, and most of all has helped us keep our sense of humor going. We really couldn't have asked for a better RE.
On friday we went to Maine General and met with a nurse in the OB office for our intake. Of course after a few days of just spotting, i'd had a heavy bleed the night before (still brown), but that turned out to not be a bad thing - they bumped up our first Dr's appointment to next tuesday rather then in two weeks! We loved the nurse (Jessie), so friendly, bubbly, and for the most part really understood what we'd gone through to get there. There were a few funny moments - asking us whether we wanted a circumcision if it was a boy; asking us about breastfeeding; training classes - all things you'd usually start to think of, but when you're barely able to think beyond tomorrow, we had trouble answering those things. We did confirm that we're candidates to get the Harmony (or MaterniT) blood test - still new in the US, so not everywhere does them, and not for everyone. Being over 35 and having Downs in the family, this is our next hurdle. It was actually quite a pleasant moment to realise I was beginning to worry about that - to worry about something way beyond an early miscarriage feels like a step in the right direction.
So next Tuesday we have our OB Dr's appointment - get to meet one of the team of Dr's we'll hopefully meet over the next 6 months. Get the tests scheduled, maybe done, and get on what will be our regular schedule. In many ways we're pretty nervous not having a weekly ultrasound anymore, but I have to keep reminding myself, that a heartbeat at 10weeks gives us the same miscarriage risk as getting past 12 weeks. The bleed complicates things, and I still have to take it easy, but I really hope that resolves soon, and I hope Maine General will be willing to scan us at least occasionally to keep an eye on that.
Friday, August 1, 2014
Accepting the Possibility
We've been remiss in updating the blog, apparently, and I can only assume it's because we both spend all of our time waiting and watching. R had a bleed again with this pregnancy, at almost exactly the same time in the gestation that we had the miscarriage with our first pregnancy. We went down to Boston IVF on that Monday, and they confirmed our fears - another SCH. I remember that when R said she was bleeding, I got that same numb feeling that I did during the miscarriage... that it was all coming crashing down around us. Our doctor was hopeful, as the baby was still developing properly and the bleeding had stopped after a day, but I think we were just waiting for the worst.
Gradually one day went by and then another. R had some bleeding, but always dark brown or black blood, which meant it was old and not from a new bleed. A repeat ultrasound on Thursday showed that the baby was still doing fine, and that the bleed hadn't gotten any bigger, which was a good sign.
We just had another ultrasound this week, and the baby is still doing great at 9 weeks. The hematoma is still there and hasn't changed size, so we just need to hope that it stays that way. The amazing thing was that our baby actually wiggled on the ultrasound this time... it was staggering.
We're still coming to grips with everything, though - trying to be hopeful, fearing the worst, but trying to accept the possibility that this pregnancy might work. In the end, there's very little we can do to affect the outcome, so the best we can do is be as positive as we can and support each other with love. Hopefully that will see us through to a successful delivery!
Gradually one day went by and then another. R had some bleeding, but always dark brown or black blood, which meant it was old and not from a new bleed. A repeat ultrasound on Thursday showed that the baby was still doing fine, and that the bleed hadn't gotten any bigger, which was a good sign.
We just had another ultrasound this week, and the baby is still doing great at 9 weeks. The hematoma is still there and hasn't changed size, so we just need to hope that it stays that way. The amazing thing was that our baby actually wiggled on the ultrasound this time... it was staggering.
We're still coming to grips with everything, though - trying to be hopeful, fearing the worst, but trying to accept the possibility that this pregnancy might work. In the end, there's very little we can do to affect the outcome, so the best we can do is be as positive as we can and support each other with love. Hopefully that will see us through to a successful delivery!
Monday, July 14, 2014
Waiting, watching, and hoping...
I guess it's been a while since I wrote a post... there's certainly been a lot going on, but I think part of my reluctance has been that I have spent most of my time waiting, watching, and hoping. Shortly after the positive blood test, I started to feel good about the pregnancy, that things might work out, and that it wouldn't be as traumatic as last time.
Then, of course, R had those sharp pains on the weekend and we thought everything was all over. Ever since then, I swear I must be driving R crazy because I ask her all the time how she is feeling. I fret when she hurts, or when she doesn't feel sick, or when she does. It turns out there's nothing that really feels comfortable.
But, every day that passes without incident makes it a little easier to relax and feel better. I'm trying to accept the rollercoaster that we're on, rather than try to control it. There doesn't seem to be any predictability other than unpredictability, so best to embrace it and be thankful that we even have the opportunity.
We had our 6 week ultrasound last Thursday, and we saw a heartbeat! Just one this time, but positioned up high in the uterus where it should be, and most important, no sign of any bleeding.
So, back to waiting, watching, and hoping. With a slightly fuller heart.
Then, of course, R had those sharp pains on the weekend and we thought everything was all over. Ever since then, I swear I must be driving R crazy because I ask her all the time how she is feeling. I fret when she hurts, or when she doesn't feel sick, or when she does. It turns out there's nothing that really feels comfortable.
But, every day that passes without incident makes it a little easier to relax and feel better. I'm trying to accept the rollercoaster that we're on, rather than try to control it. There doesn't seem to be any predictability other than unpredictability, so best to embrace it and be thankful that we even have the opportunity.
We had our 6 week ultrasound last Thursday, and we saw a heartbeat! Just one this time, but positioned up high in the uterus where it should be, and most important, no sign of any bleeding.
So, back to waiting, watching, and hoping. With a slightly fuller heart.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
Good news
It's been a while since I updated. I'm not sure why, maybe waiting to see what happens? Maybe just no time, it's been hectic.
The good news is that we had a positive blood test - 171 hcg - pregnant! Now the long wait begins, we have to wait until the 10th to get an ultrasound. Trying not to stress, trying not to be petrified that i'll start bleeding.
This weekend brought some scary moments. Saturday morning I had an excruciating pain over my right ovary, so bad I could barely walk. B and I waited, and waited, for me to start bleeding, we really thought that was it. The pain remained, came and went worse then better, but no bleeding. At 8pm we finally called Boston IVF and got a wonderful Doctor in Waltham call us. She assured us it didn't sound like a miscarriage and made us an appointment for Monday (yesterday). Sunday the pain got a little better, felt more like an ache, like i'd been kicked, than the sharp pain of saturday. By Monday I could walk better, sit easier, though still sore. An ultrasound and some blood work confirmed the pregnancy was okay, and i'd probably had an ovarian cyst rupture, they could see blood in my belly, and because i was feeling better it was resolving.
The bummer was we didn't see anything on the ultrasound - now at 4.5 weeks, we'd be pretty lucky to see anything, but still I guess i was hoping for a little sac, just something, to let us know it was all okay. My hcg numbers were over 1800, which is right where I should be, so there's no reason just yet to think it wouldn't be good, I guess just after a loooong weekend, some reasurrance would have been nice. But at least I only have to wait until next thursday to find out....!
The good news is that we had a positive blood test - 171 hcg - pregnant! Now the long wait begins, we have to wait until the 10th to get an ultrasound. Trying not to stress, trying not to be petrified that i'll start bleeding.
This weekend brought some scary moments. Saturday morning I had an excruciating pain over my right ovary, so bad I could barely walk. B and I waited, and waited, for me to start bleeding, we really thought that was it. The pain remained, came and went worse then better, but no bleeding. At 8pm we finally called Boston IVF and got a wonderful Doctor in Waltham call us. She assured us it didn't sound like a miscarriage and made us an appointment for Monday (yesterday). Sunday the pain got a little better, felt more like an ache, like i'd been kicked, than the sharp pain of saturday. By Monday I could walk better, sit easier, though still sore. An ultrasound and some blood work confirmed the pregnancy was okay, and i'd probably had an ovarian cyst rupture, they could see blood in my belly, and because i was feeling better it was resolving.
The bummer was we didn't see anything on the ultrasound - now at 4.5 weeks, we'd be pretty lucky to see anything, but still I guess i was hoping for a little sac, just something, to let us know it was all okay. My hcg numbers were over 1800, which is right where I should be, so there's no reason just yet to think it wouldn't be good, I guess just after a loooong weekend, some reasurrance would have been nice. But at least I only have to wait until next thursday to find out....!
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