Tuesday, August 26, 2014

A Great Day

It seems like we don't get to say this very often, what with the worrying about the bleeding, wondering whether new pains are indicators of something bad, or just the pregnancy progressing, and R generally feeling pretty icky, but yesterday was a really great day.

We had another ultrasound up at Maine General, with a tech who was super efficient and very nice. Our little baby was rolling around a little bit during the scan, and everything looked just fine. The SCH was even a little bit smaller, so that was very encouraging.

Later in the day, R got the call from the Genetic Counselor down in Portland - all of the tests came back negative, so we can finally exhale a little bit. And, to top it all off, the gender came back opposite of what we both had assumed! Neither one of us knew why, but we had solid feelings that we knew the gender, and when we revealed our intuition to each other, we even agreed. So we had decided it was a foregone conclusion; so much so that I hadn't even bothered looking at names for the opposite gender! I guess this is just another indicator that my ESP powers aren't all I think they're cracked up to be.

There's still plenty to worry about, of course, and I doubt we'll stop worrying until we are holding our baby in our arms, but I'm allowing myself to be more hopeful. Tomorrow we'll be at 13 weeks, and if the SCH keeps getting smaller, hopefully we can try to relax and enjoy some of the pregnancy. I keep reminding myself to take it a day at a time, and yesterday was a really great day!

Sunday, August 10, 2014


This week we graduated, from the IVF clinic to an OB's office in Augusta! It's been a whirlwind few weeks, and to reach this point feels like such an accomplishment. It's weird to say that, because of course we have so much longer left to go, but we've literally been taking it day by day, not wanting to think too far ahead, too scared to do so.

We had our final appointment with Dr Lannon at Boston IVF this wednesday. Baby still doing great, growing as it needs to, strong heartbeat. Unfortunately the bleed is also still there, still same size, but at least is 'organizing'. I'm still bleeding, pretty much just brown and black (after two large red bleeds), but it comes and goes - somedays it's spotting, somedays it's a lot more, somedays it has nasty clots in it that make me hold my breath just a little, until I realise they're just clots, and not parts of the baby. We'll miss our Dr. Lannon, he's been really awesome, reassuring, and most of all has helped us keep our sense of humor going. We really couldn't have asked for a better RE.

On friday we went to Maine General and met with a nurse in the OB office for our intake. Of course after a few days of just spotting, i'd had a heavy bleed the night before (still brown), but that turned out to not be a bad thing - they bumped up our first Dr's appointment to next tuesday rather then in two weeks! We loved the nurse (Jessie), so friendly, bubbly, and for the most part really understood what we'd gone through to get there. There were a few funny moments - asking us whether we wanted a circumcision if it was a boy; asking us about breastfeeding; training classes - all things you'd usually start to think of, but when you're barely able to think beyond tomorrow, we had trouble answering those things. We did confirm that we're candidates to get the Harmony (or MaterniT) blood test - still new in the US, so not everywhere does them, and not for everyone. Being over 35 and having Downs in the family, this is our next hurdle. It was actually quite a pleasant moment to realise I was beginning to worry about that - to worry about something way beyond an early miscarriage feels like a step in the right direction.

So next Tuesday we have our OB Dr's appointment - get to meet one of the team of Dr's we'll hopefully meet over the next 6 months. Get the tests scheduled, maybe done, and get on what will be our regular schedule. In many ways we're pretty nervous not having a weekly ultrasound anymore, but I have to keep reminding myself, that a heartbeat at 10weeks gives us the same miscarriage risk as getting past 12 weeks. The bleed complicates things, and I still have to take it easy, but I really hope that resolves soon, and I hope Maine General will be willing to scan us at least occasionally to keep an eye on that.

Friday, August 1, 2014

Accepting the Possibility

We've been remiss in updating the blog, apparently, and I can only assume it's because we both spend all of our time waiting and watching. R had a bleed again with this pregnancy, at almost exactly the same time in the gestation that we had the miscarriage with our first pregnancy. We went down to Boston IVF on that Monday, and they confirmed our fears - another SCH. I remember that when R said she was bleeding, I got that same numb feeling that I did during the miscarriage... that it was all coming crashing down around us. Our doctor was hopeful, as the baby was still developing properly and the bleeding had stopped after a day, but I think we were just waiting for the worst.

Gradually one day went by and then another. R had some bleeding, but always dark brown or black blood, which meant it was old and not from a new bleed. A repeat ultrasound on Thursday showed that the baby was still doing fine, and that the bleed hadn't gotten any bigger, which was a good sign.

We just had another ultrasound this week, and the baby is still doing great at 9 weeks. The hematoma is still there and hasn't changed size, so we just need to hope that it stays that way. The amazing thing was that our baby actually wiggled on the ultrasound this time... it was staggering.

We're still coming to grips with everything, though - trying to be hopeful, fearing the worst, but trying to accept the possibility that this pregnancy might work. In the end, there's very little we can do to affect the outcome, so the best we can do is be as positive as we can and support each other with love. Hopefully that will see us through to a successful delivery!