Two to transfer

Well, we ended up pretty much where we were last time - two embryo's to transfer and none to freeze. Though disappointed at the result, both of us were relieved and happy to have something to transfer. They're two good looking embryo's, so we're really hoping at least one has stuck. We're 5 days away from testing right now, and I haven't really felt much in the way of symptoms. Today to I feel very "periody", so it's hard to be positive. By this time last round I was feeling sick, achy and couldn't stand the smell of cooking. Sigh. Please let this be our turn....

Trials

This round has definitely been harder. The process itself was much easier - less injections, shorter protocol, no lupron side effects keeping me bedridden. But there seems so much more at stake this time, so many more things to go wrong.

We had egg retrieval, and although disappointed, we did get 9 eggs, so we came home with at least the sense that it would be a little like last time, and were fairly certain we'd make it to egg transfer. The next day though it all came crashing down for me - only 4 fertilized. Now we're in limbo - we'll get a call today with our time to come in one monday (a 5 day transfer, even though we had so few eggs). I'm totally stressed out, I feel defeated and down. Today we could get a call saying don't come in, or even on monday they may let us know that nothing came through and there would be no transfer.

I remember this 'space' being stressful last time, but I guess I always knew there would be at least one to transfer, and at that time we were hopeful we'd have some to freeze (which we didn't). This time I just feel like all is lost, like I should be preparing to hear that we've been cancelled and there will be no transfer. So much of me is hardwired to expect the worst and be surprised when good comes. So much of B is completely the opposite, so at the moment he's having a hard time, and i'm even more stressed that i'm stressing him out. Oy! Talk about a can't win situation. I wish I could just blow it off, but the scientist part of me wants to know what the hell went wrong - everything looked so good - more follicles, more eggs, protocol for poor responders......where did our good outcome go? I don't want to wish away a baby before it's gone, but it's just hard to look on the bright side right now...

Here we go again....

Injections started last friday and today we had our first monitoring appointment. All went well, we're exactly where they wanted us to be....:) It seems somewhat surreal to be back, after the hugs and tears of joy when we left some of the nurses and technicians last time, to today, where they're apologizing that we're there again, and wishing us good luck for this round. Here's to hoping...