Sunday, November 24, 2013

The beginning

Every blog has to start somewhere, so here we are. B and I have been trying to have a baby for nearly a year, despite B undergoing a painful but very successful vasectomy reversal (previous marriage), with no joy. We decided to investigate options, while also looking at adoption and being floored by the cost and uncertainty it involved - way more than fertility treatments (which are not covered by insurance in the US) and in some cases you have a better chance of having a baby through IVF than the adoption process.

We went through a bunch of testing through Boston IVF in Maine, and tomorrow we head for our last consultation to discuss our fertility testing results. Tomorrow we find out  -

- what my results mean....Dr. Google doesn't have good things....what will Dr. Lannon say?
- if we're candidates for the $5000 Mini-IVF, or whether we're stuck to the $25,000 full IVF, or whether we're not candidates at all...

Tomorrow makes me very nervous. I've just about got my head around the fact that we won't be able to conceive naturally. We've just about got around our finances and decided how much we can borrow (2 tries max, more likely 1) and still have enough leeway to borrow even more to try for an adoption later. I know the success rates are very low (30%), and we're okay with that. What I don't know how i'll handle is the Dr. telling us my AMH results (a predictor of egg quantity and if IVF might work) are too low for IVF at all. I know it's a possibility, and I know i'm okay with adoption, but I don't really know what i'll really feel like if IVF isn't even an option after all this work up to it.

Over the last 5 years or so, i'd come to realise I may not have children of my own, ever. I'd become okay with it, truly. Meeting B changed all that for me, it changed everything. I hadn't been with someone i'd ever felt strongly about wanting children with before, and now I had. At 35 I knew time was short. Tomorrow we'll know.

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