And an update

To start with the result, we were pregnant, for a short, brief period, but are not anymore. I stopped Endometrin this morning, and now the long wait begins for my HCG to come back to 0.

Everything seemed to be going really well, we had 3-4 follicles, even 5 at one appointment, so we triggered, went into surgery and they only retrieved two eggs. Devastated doesn't really sum it up properly, we'd always got one more egg than follicles seen, so to get less than that was a shock. It all has to do with not being on an ovulation stopper, they have to guess when to trigger rather than wait for eggs to catch up in size, so you just don't get as many mature. The next morning it went from bad to worse when we learned we only had one fertilize, but it was doing okay so they were going to do a 2 day transfer - might as well use my body as the incubator. We went in for the transfer and learned that the embryo was dividing slowly, not a good sign. So many not good signs. But we went ahead and came out with a realistic view that it was pretty improbably. Did a pee test about a week later and it came up negative.

The three days before our HCG appointment I decided to do a pee test again...only this time it came up positive. And another. And another. B went out and got a test that shows how many weeks pregnant you are, and it said 1-2. Only issue is that I should have been 2-3. The HCG came back positive, but boarderline, so we went for another HCG test today, to learn that the HCG was decreasing, a sign we had miscarried or had a 'chemical' pregnancy. Quite the rollercoaster of emotions, luckily smoothed out some today by it being a holiday, so our little man was home with us and there to cuddle with and play with through our sorrow at this round not working.

Where to next? We're trying to decide. We have only one more round in us financially, and we don't really have a full IVF round unless we take out loans. Do we do another mini-IVF? Do we take out the loans and hedge our bets on getting more eggs? It's so hard. I so wish at least some of this was insurance covered, then we could make the best medical decision rather than a financial one...

In the back of my mind too is how long it took for my HCG to drop after the major miscarriage in the first round we did. Because of my new position, I only have this summer to do this in....if it takes months again, we're out of luck all together....please please don't take that long......

And we're off......

The results came back just fine (my AMH had actually increased....didn't know that could happen!), and so we've begun a Mini-IVF cycle with Boston IVF. So far i'm on day 4 of clomid, and feeling great so far. The weirdest thing (besides not having a bruised belly from injections) is the lack of monitoring. I had an ultrasound on day 1 and now they're not seeing me until Saturday (day 8). It makes me nervous....I really want to know how many eggs are coming through, as of course, we need 2 to progress to retrieval, and we just have no idea what is going on in there right now. 

In addition to the IVF I started having acupuncture again. I wish I could say it's better than last time, but boy, needles = no fun. It's not bad, and after they're in I do relax....but some of them really do hurt, particularly in my feet! I've had 2 sessions so far and now the plan is to see what our schedule looks like next week. In theory this time next week i'd be close to retrieval.....lets hope for that outcome! 

Yet again B has managed to come to all the appointments with me. We weren't sure if that was possible given our schedule with a little one, but it's worked out so far so we hope it'll continue to do so. Having B there not only makes me feel a whole lot better about being prodded and poked, but I also feel like he's part of the process too, rather than just me. So much of IVF is about the woman (even with male factor), thats it hard sometimes not to feel like you're being picked on....having your man there every step of the way helps, or at least it helped me. 

There is a huge difference in this cycle for us, and not just because it's a Mini rather than full IVF cycle. There is a weight lifted, it's more relaxed. Personally I put it down to having an amazing small person in our life now, it's not so desperate as before, not so dire if it goes wrong. We'll both be heartbroken if something goes wrong this time too, but I don't feel like it will be a blackhole like last time. We will still have a family, with a child, regardless of whether this works or not. There's a lot to be said for that.